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They Listen But Do Not Hear

Listening can be an important part of healing. We often listen but we rarely hear. That is we hear the words but do not understand what is really being said.

There is an old party game called telephone. Try this, write down a sentence or paragraph. Read it word for word, in a whisper, to the first person in the group. They then whisper what they heard to the next person and so on. The last person stands in front of the group and speaks aloud what they heard to the entire group. You then read, word for word, the original statement.

This can be enhanced by using people who are bilingual. Line them up so that each hears the paragraph and translates it to the next person. So, for example, you read the paragraph in English to a person who speaks English and Russian. They say it in Russian to someone who knows Russian and French. That person speaks it in French to a person who is fluent in French and Arabic. That person repeats it in Arabic to a person who will translate it to Chinese. That person gets in front of the crowd and, in English, tells everyone what the paragraph was. You then read the original.

During the height of the cold war the defense department sponsored projects at several universities to use computers to translate English to Russian and Russian to English. They were very successful, or so they thought. One technician had the bright idea to take a phrase and translate it from English to Russian and back again and then to compare the original to the result.

The technician selected the phrase “out of sight, out of mind.” It was translated to Russian and then the Russian was put back in and translated to English. The result in English was “blind and insane.” Although a good literal translation, the meaning was completely lost.

It is easy to see why nations can not seem to find common ground. It is hard to heal the world while the leaders do not understand each other. For that matter, look at our own government, the Democrats and Republican read the same headline and interpret it in completely different ways.

Then we listen to each other our entire histories get in the way of our understanding. Where we have lived, the people we know, the time we live in, the places we visited, the movies we have watched, etc. influence the way we understand what we hear.

Take a simple word like soda. In one part of the county soda is short for soda pop. In another part denotes a combination of ice cream, carbonated water and some type of syrup. Yet in another area it refers to bicarbonate of  soda. One word with multiple meanings based on where in the United States you are at the time.

Add to this the English lexicon that has multiple words that are pronounced the same. Some are simple words like to, two and too. We also have multiple words with the same spelling. For example to place tension on a spring you wind it up. You need to make sure that while you are doing it you stay out of the air that is blowing around we call the wind, two very different words with the same spelling.

On top of all of this are cultural and generational differences. There are phrases that have great impact and elicit strong emotional responses for people of one church but are neutral to people in other religious communities.

The difference in how a message is received also changes the way it is interpreted. Have you ever seen the movie Cousin Vinny. A young man is in a convenience store. His arms are full and he wants a can of tuna, so he puts it in his pocket. When he checks out he forgets that he has the tuna in his pocket. Later in the car he discovers the can of tuna. Shortly after that the police pull him over.

In the police interrogation the officer said in a flat monotone “you shot the clerk.” Shocked the young man said “I shot the clerk?” Since no voice inflections, body language or facial expression show up on a typed page, those words were read as a confession.

Limiting input to just the printed word remove expression and body language. In our minds we listen to the words. We do not hear what is really being said.

Recently the SAT (college entrance exam) was rewritten. A well known author was asked by the creators of the exam if they could use a portion of one of his books. He agreed with the stipulation that he be allowed to review the resulting questions.

After the new test was generated, they sent him the part created from his work. There was a section from one of him books followed by four questions. He got three of the four correct. The one he got wrong was “what was the author trying to communicate?”

If you have children or parents you are familiar with the phrase “listen to me” or “you never listen to me.” Most people have been accused of listening but not hearing. There are a number of reasons for this. There are lots of classes on how to listen better.

For many people having someone to listen to them and hear what they are saying is very healing. This is the basis of good psychologists and psychiatrists. In psychoanalysis the person heals themselves by “unburdening” themselves.

Relations are healed when the people involved start to listen to each other and heal the feelings behind the word. The relations get broken when they listen and hear only noise and pain. The problems escalate when the pain gets transferred and not the love behind it.

There is one person that we often refuse not only to hear but even to listen to. That person is, ourselves. Like so many things, we enter this world fully in contact with ourselves but later are carefully taught to ignore what our bodies tell us.

As a baby eats when it is hungry and stops eating when full. We are then taught to eat at given times of the day, even if we are not hungry and to clean our plates. Is there any wonder that we stop listening to our stomachs?

Small communications from our body we ignore. A discomfort in the left ankle, for example, will be ignored and our body compensates by adjusting how we walk. After awhile, the back starts to hurt and then the discs deteriorate or rupture. The problems are the result of us not listening to what our body has been trying to tell us.

There are a number of practices that use sound to help heal. Deep in our nervous system, in our cellular memory, are the keys to who we are and what we should be. In every cell there is a blueprint of every organ. The genes are made of DNA and hold this blueprint.

Everyone is listening. In “The Story of My Life” Helen Keller writes about listening with her other senses when she became deaf. She listened with her nose and with her fingers. Even in our sleep we listen.

At a long term care facility we were leading a healing service. During the service there was lots of singing. Many of the people joined in. At the end one of the men, in a wheel chair, told us how he liked and appreciated the service. After he was wheeled out, one of the nurses turned to us and said that he had been there for over two years and those were the first words that anyone had heard him utter.

A friend of ours has gone through the “Therapeutic Listening” program. In that program they show a video of a girl who has been unable to eat for years. After many other attempts Therapeutic Listening was used. In this approach specific sounds and rhythms are presented.

The little girl could shallow but could not chew. In this case a jazz rhythm was played. The rhythm reminded her body of how muscle groups need to move to chew. During the treatment she started to chew and now can eat without a feeding tube.

By listening to those around us, by listening to ourselves and by listening to the deepest sound within our cellular memory and our DNA healing can and will take place. It may not be as dramatic as these two examples. The largest miracles are often the smallest and most private changes.

To paraphrase Rabbi Lawrence Kushner’s “Listen”

The person who attends a concert and thinks only of the busy day ahead, listens but does not really hear.

The person who walks amid the songs of birds and thinks only of what to have for dinner, listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the words of a friend, or spouse, or child, and does not catch the message in the tone of voice, "notice me, help me, care about me," listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the news and thinks only of how it will affect business, listens but does not really hear.

The person who stifles the sound of conscience and thinks: "I have done enough already," listens but does not really hear.

The person who hears a prayer and does not feel the call to join, listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the sermon and thinks that someone else is being addressed, listens but does not really hear.

When we listen and hear we are fully present in the world. We start the healing process. By listening and hearing we keep ourselves and those around us healthier and happier.

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Listening can be an important part of healing. We often listen but we rarely hear. That is we hear the words but do not understand what is really being said.

There is an old party game called telephone. Try this, write down a sentence or paragraph. Read it word for word, in a whisper, to the first person in the group. They then whisper what they heard to the next person and so on. The last person stands in front of the group and speaks aloud what they heard to the entire group. You then read, word for word, the original statement.

This can be enhanced by using people who are bilingual. Line them up so that each hears the paragraph and translates it to the next person. So, for example, you read the paragraph in English to a person who speaks English and Russian. They say it in Russian to someone who knows Russian and French. That person speaks it in French to a person who is fluent in French and Arabic. That person repeats it in Arabic to a person who will translate it to Chinese. That person gets in front of the crowd and, in English, tells everyone what the paragraph was. You then read the original.

During the height of the cold war the defense department sponsored projects at several universities to use computers to translate English to Russian and Russian to English. They were very successful, or so they thought. One technician had the bright idea to take a phrase and translate it from English to Russian and back again and then to compare the original to the result.

The technician selected the phrase “out of sight, out of mind.” It was translated to Russian and then the Russian was put back in and translated to English. The result in English was “blind and insane.” Although a good literal translation, the meaning was completely lost.

It is easy to see why nations can not seem to find common ground. It is hard to heal the world while the leaders do not understand each other. For that matter, look at our own government, the Democrats and Republican read the same headline and interpret it in completely different ways.

Then we listen to each other our entire histories get in the way of our understanding. Where we have lived, the people we know, the time we live in, the places we visited, the movies we have watched, etc. influence the way we understand what we hear.

Take a simple word like soda. In one part of the county soda is short for soda pop. In another part denotes a combination of ice cream, carbonated water and some type of syrup. Yet in another area it refers to bicarbonate of  soda. One word with multiple meanings based on where in the United States you are at the time.

Add to this the English lexicon that has multiple words that are pronounced the same. Some are simple words like to, two and too. We also have multiple words with the same spelling. For example to place tension on a spring you wind it up. You need to make sure that while you are doing it you stay out of the air that is blowing around we call the wind, two very different words with the same spelling.

On top of all of this are cultural and generational differences. There are phrases that have great impact and elicit strong emotional responses for people of one church but are neutral to people in other religious communities.

The difference in how a message is received also changes the way it is interpreted. Have you ever seen the movie Cousin Vinny. A young man is in a convenience store. His arms are full and he wants a can of tuna, so he puts it in his pocket. When he checks out he forgets that he has the tuna in his pocket. Later in the car he discovers the can of tuna. Shortly after that the police pull him over.

In the police interrogation the officer said in a flat monotone “you shot the clerk.” Shocked the young man said “I shot the clerk?” Since no voice inflections, body language or facial expression show up on a typed page, those words were read as a confession.

Limiting input to just the printed word remove expression and body language. In our minds we listen to the words. We do not hear what is really being said.

Recently the SAT (college entrance exam) was rewritten. A well known author was asked by the creators of the exam if they could use a portion of one of his books. He agreed with the stipulation that he be allowed to review the resulting questions.

After the new test was generated, they sent him the part created from his work. There was a section from one of him books followed by four questions. He got three of the four correct. The one he got wrong was “what was the author trying to communicate?”

If you have children or parents you are familiar with the phrase “listen to me” or “you never listen to me.” Most people have been accused of listening but not hearing. There are a number of reasons for this. There are lots of classes on how to listen better.

For many people having someone to listen to them and hear what they are saying is very healing. This is the basis of good psychologists and psychiatrists. In psychoanalysis the person heals themselves by “unburdening” themselves.

Relations are healed when the people involved start to listen to each other and heal the feelings behind the word. The relations get broken when they listen and hear only noise and pain. The problems escalate when the pain gets transferred and not the love behind it.

There is one person that we often refuse not only to hear but even to listen to. That person is, ourselves. Like so many things, we enter this world fully in contact with ourselves but later are carefully taught to ignore what our bodies tell us.

As a baby eats when it is hungry and stops eating when full. We are then taught to eat at given times of the day, even if we are not hungry and to clean our plates. Is there any wonder that we stop listening to our stomachs?

Small communications from our body we ignore. A discomfort in the left ankle, for example, will be ignored and our body compensates by adjusting how we walk. After awhile, the back starts to hurt and then the discs deteriorate or rupture. The problems are the result of us not listening to what our body has been trying to tell us.

There are a number of practices that use sound to help heal. Deep in our nervous system, in our cellular memory, are the keys to who we are and what we should be. In every cell there is a blueprint of every organ. The genes are made of DNA and hold this blueprint.

Everyone is listening. In “The Story of My Life” Helen Keller writes about listening with her other senses when she became deaf. She listened with her nose and with her fingers. Even in our sleep we listen.

At a long term care facility we were leading a healing service. During the service there was lots of singing. Many of the people joined in. At the end one of the men, in a wheel chair, told us how he liked and appreciated the service. After he was wheeled out, one of the nurses turned to us and said that he had been there for over two years and those were the first words that anyone had heard him utter.

A friend of ours has gone through the “Therapeutic Listening” program. In that program they show a video of a girl who has been unable to eat for years. After many other attempts Therapeutic Listening was used. In this approach specific sounds and rhythms are presented.

The little girl could shallow but could not chew. In this case a jazz rhythm was played. The rhythm reminded her body of how muscle groups need to move to chew. During the treatment she started to chew and now can eat without a feeding tube.

By listening to those around us, by listening to ourselves and by listening to the deepest sound within our cellular memory and our DNA healing can and will take place. It may not be as dramatic as these two examples. The largest miracles are often the smallest and most private changes.

To paraphrase Rabbi Lawrence Kushner’s “Listen”

The person who attends a concert and thinks only of the busy day ahead, listens but does not really hear.

The person who walks amid the songs of birds and thinks only of what to have for dinner, listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the words of a friend, or spouse, or child, and does not catch the message in the tone of voice, "notice me, help me, care about me," listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the news and thinks only of how it will affect business, listens but does not really hear.

The person who stifles the sound of conscience and thinks: "I have done enough already," listens but does not really hear.

The person who hears a prayer and does not feel the call to join, listens but does not really hear.

The person who listens to the sermon and thinks that someone else is being addressed, listens but does not really hear.

When we listen and hear we are fully present in the world. We start the healing process. By listening and hearing we keep ourselves and those around us healthier and happier.